It is often said that nature’s fine works
Vastly outdo those composed by a man;
But alas, at times, nature has its quirks
What nature cannot do, man sometimes can.
An oboe, playing a sole, solemn tune
Our Mother Nature’s chimes can’t replicate;
Breathtaking city view at highest noon
No amount of flowers shares the same fate.
That is not to say flowers do not please!
Mother Nature claims vict’ry at times;
She made her work before man skinned his knees,
She gave her muse to poetry and rhymes.
However, in our attempts to beach her,
It seems the student has passed the teacher.
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- sgiles
- 1200 characters really isn't very much at all. Oh well. My name is apparently not to be shared, you can only see this page if you're lucky and enter the URL or if I gave it to you, and I don't do blogs unless I really have to. I prefer to not let the Internet know my thoughts, especially its more creepy residents.
4 comments:
Hi Stuart.
I really liked the topic that you chose for your sonnet. It was unusual, and not something many people would have thought of writing about. I liked the word choice you used and the rhyming.
Great Job!
Stuart-
Your poem was good and showed a lot of effort, but I thought that there were some minor details that might make it better. First, I thought that line 8 sounded when shares was changed to share. Second, line 11's metaphor is unusual, maybe you should use something about labor in the sun. Lastly, I think that the last three lines do not flow as well with the rest of the poem - maybe they just need a little bit of clarification. Good job.
-Kathrin
It is interesting that your poem is anti-anti mainstream. Usually, exalting nature's beauty is already considered "revolutionary", but your sonnet is one step ahead of that. Sometimes, the rule of ten syllables is followed too rigidly. You put "a" in front of man to make it ten syllables, but "composed by a man" is very different from "composed by man", and you use the definition of "man" as humankind in the rest of the sonnet. The lines seem like they are supposed to be in iambic pentameter, but with some extra words, there seems to be approximately six beats on most of the lines except near the end. By the way, I think that the change in meter in the end couplet helps it to stand out.) Consistency is the price of using a specific meter. Along the same lines, if using a word that rhymes with one you already wrote means stretching the wording and meaning of the line (what do knees have to do with anything), it is sometimes better to just change the first word--just restate that first line in a different way. All the above meter stuff are just details. Overall, the poem makes sense, the sentences are interesting, and the message is quirky.
stuarte ur sonnet is strong through the message it gives us. some parts in your sonnet were hard to comprehend but maybe that means it was really good! so i know u put a lot of effort in sharing your message with us!
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